WHILE MILLIONS IN THE PRIVATE SECTOR WILL LOSE JOBS
THE BLOATED PUBLIC SECTOR WILL GO MARCHING ON.
For years he made fun
of the absurd, gold-plated public sector jobs in the
GUARDIAN. TODAY, as unemployment in the REAL
world heads for 3,000,000 LITTLEJOHN'S patience RUNS
[Before we continue with the
excellent and explosive expose of in his words TWO
NATIONS we see the ONLY way of curbing the veracious
appetite of the growth of the of the STATE SECTOR
unless the matter is put above PARTY POLITICS and is
dealt with under a NATIONAL GOVERNMENT where NO
sectors of the population will be specially
treated unless the ALL PARTY GOVERNMENT as in a WAR
situation considers the matter of NATIONAL
BRITAIN IS SHEDDING JOBS AT THE RATE
OF 1000 A DAY.
Unemployment is at an 11-year high
and is predicted to hit
2010 before there is any prospect of economic
these kind of numbers haven't been
seen for a quarter of a century when as a young
industrial correspondent I would shuffle along to
the Department of Employment once a month dutifully
to record the latest jobless total.
Back then, the jobs being lost came
overwhelmingly from the inefficient, loss-making
State-owned steel mills, car factories and coal
mines, after Mrs. Thatcher decided the government
HAD NO BUSINESS
Today, the inevitable attrition is
decimating the productive wealth-creating sectors of
the economy - media, construction and
pharmaceuticals, to name but three. Only this
week, Virgin Media and Yell, the company behind
Yellow pages, announced
House builder Taylor Wimpey
said it was closing a factory in
Skilled craftsmen, chartered
accountants and chemists will all be joining
merchant bankers, estate agents and investment
analysts on the long trek to the JOB CENTRE.
the credit crunch is only just
getting into gear. this is going to be one of those
recessions in which even those of us fortunate
enough to keep our jobs will know someone who
HAS BEEN MADE REDUNDANT.
the service sector and the south of
England, which have survived previous downturns
relatively unscathed, will suffer serious collateral
damage. what remains of manufacturing industry will
But there's one lucky group of people
who have no such worries about losing their
livelihood, their pension or their roof over their
Yes, Britain's five-a-day
ELF'N SAFETY ENFORCERS
can all rest in their beds.
While private companies are either
contracting or going to the wall, the public sector
continues to party like it's 1999. There'll be no
shake-up in the Town Halls, no Christmas parties
cancelled in Whitehall....
We won't be seeing sobbing civil
servants standing outside government office blocks
with their personal effects in a cardboard box and a
P45 in their back pocket.
Far from it. While the productive
sector of the economy disappears down the plughole,
taking with it millions of jobs, the public sector
is STILL hiring merrily as if the near collapse of
GLOBAL BANKING SYSTEM
yesterday's Guardian carried more
of adverts for assorted managers
as it has done every week for
Over the years, I've made a good
living pillorying and poking fun at this
never-ending carnival of politically motivated
profligacy. My columns and TV shows have
NICE WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT
sections, diligently spotlighting the
ingenuous and often hilarious jobs invented by
to expand their empires and
DEVOUR OUR TAXES
This non-stop recruitment drive at
our expense has gone through a number of
different phases. There was the
GREAT AIDS SCARE
when no respecting
council could bear to be without an army of
At one stage, I
worked out there were more people in Britain earning
a GOOD LIVING from AIDS than were actually
DYING FROM IT.
That was followed
by the crazy
could be satisfied ONLY by hiring thousands of
force is the
recruitment of legions of
commensurate with their
In between, we've
encouraging women to use washable nappies instead of
disposable - UNTIL someone worked out that all
the DETERGENT being used to wash dirty nappies was
HARM to the ENVIRONMENT than THROWING THEM AWAY.
JUST AS BAD
doing a VALUABLE
SUPERNUMERARY cluttering up the offices.
I've written about
all sorts over the years -from
to advisers hired
THE VERY SPECIAL
NEEDS OF GAY ALCOHOLICS.
In yesterday's Guardian, for
instance, Nottinghamshire NHS was advertising for an
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR of EQUALITY and
salary up to
£77,179 a year.
'Acting as our champion on
you will work in collaboration
with our external partners to develop and
co-ordinate strategic polices'
AFTER THAT I LOST MY WILL TO LIVE.
But you have to ask why
the NHS needs equalities and human rights
talking about the
All most of us want from the HEALTH
SERVICE is easy access to a GP and a DENTIST and
fulfillment of the reasonable expectation that in the
event of having to go into HOSPITAL for a ROUTINE
OPERATION, we won't DIE from a SUPER BUG we have
contracted ON THE WARD.
Barnet Council in North London is
desperately seeking a
Head of Internal Audit and Ethical
£80,000 a year
plus the usual perks.
HOW ON EARTH HAVE THEY MANAGED
WITHOUT ONE ALL THESE YEARS?
back in Nottingham, the POLICE are
looking for a
Performance, Partnerships and
Business Development manager, just shy of
£40,000 a year
the successful applicant will be
responsible for 'delivery of programme capabilities
and business results and strategic development of a
YOU GET THE GIST.
Now you know what happens top all the
money they save
POLICEMEN OFF THE
These are just three examples of
UTTERLY UNNECESSARY SPENDING
on jobs which didn't exist until now
SERVE NO REAL PURPOSE
- that's the point about most of the
adverts in the Guardian -
they're all new
It's not just social workers 'bible,
either. Local papers are FULL of these RECRUITMENT
ADS every week. I could fill my column with
DAFT JOB TITLES
sent to me by
exasperated readers, dismayed at the cavalier
fashion in which their council taxes are frittered
NONE of these new PUBLIC SERVANTS is
PROVIDING anything MOST PEOPLE remotely consider to
be A PUBLIC SERVICE.
Local government, in particular, is
increasingly a CONSPIRACY against the PUBLIC PURSE,
extracting ever more TAXES in exchange for a
EVER-WORSENING level of PROVISION...
They're more interested in dreaming
up exciting NEW RULES-FINES-PUNISHMENTS
and finding elaborate excuses for
WHAT WE PAY THEM FOR.
emptying the dustbins once a week.
Only this week, we learned that
Guildford Council, in Surrey, is threatening to
close down burger vans which don't offer
WHAT GIVES THEM THE RIGHT TO DO
IT'S NONE OF THEIR DAMNED BUSINESS
Time was that I used to have fun with
some of the more insane jobs-
LESBIAN SELF-DEFENCE INSTRUCTORS
TRANSGENDER POLICY CO-ORDINATORS
NUCLEAR-FREE ZONE INSPECTORS
Now I tend towards rage when the
Guardian drops on the doormat, its news pages
on PAGE ONE while the RECRUITMENT
SECTION promises a paradise of
PROOF PUBLIC SECTOR EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES.
Especially now, with the economy
HELL IN A HANDCART
this circus of
TAXPAYER FUNDED EXCESS
if we ever could.
remember this when Gordon brown talks
It's his reckless spending putting
more people on the
which has left Britain WORST-EQUIPPED
of any industrialised country
TO DEAL WITH THE DOWNTURN.
twenty -five years ago, Labour voters
at British Leyland and the national Coal Board were
JOINING the DOLE QUEUES.
Today, for every car worker or coal
miner taken off the
back then, there's three or four
ETHICAL GOVERNANCE DIRECTORS
filling their boots from the
HOW DO YOU THINK
THEY'RE GOING TO VOTE?
WE ARE NOW TWO
NATIONS - those who have to make a living in the REAL
world and the ARMY of subsidised PUBLIC 'SERVANTS'
guaranteed THEIR JOBS and INDEX-LINKED PENSIONS
regardless of COST.
While millions of us in the
competitive sector of the economy stare down the
barrel of REDUNDANCY, the feather-bedded inhabitants
of BROWN'S bloated client STATE are insulated from
the realities of
They won't be joining the