MAJOR ISSUES BULLETIN
 
 

HOME

 

THE DAY OF THE JACKALS!

How four so-called  top bankers brought the country to its knees and wonder what the fuss is all about.

'Never has so few in a dire economic conflict suffered so little and repenteth so little for so much disaster to so many.'

*

WHAT THEY SAID-AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEANT

EDWARD Heathcote Amory examines what the Fallible Four bankers told the committee of MPs yesterday, and what they really meant.

THEY SAID:  Andy Hornby, asked about the value of the JobSeekers Allowance, worth 60,60 a week, replied: Sorry, I...Oh, I'm sorry it's...I don't know the precise amount but it's a very low quantity of money.

THEY MEANT: JSA, what on earth is that? Never heard of it. But perhaps that's because, despite being sacked for running his bank into the ground, he's still being paid 60,000 a month as a consultant to advise on , of all things, which jobs , to cut.

THEY SAID:  Asked about an HBOS risk manager who complained that the bank's 'sales culture' was going too fast, and that it  was taking TOO MANY RISKS, Lord Stevenson insisted: ;everything to do with risk management is TAKEN REALLY SERIOUSLY by the bank'.

THEY MEANT: We took it seriously, in fact, that the RISK MANAGER was SACKED and subsequently awarded a payout at the INDUSTRIAL TRIBUNAL.  He was replaced by someone who'd NEVER WORKED in RISK MANAGEMENT before, but presumably could be TRUSTED TO SHUT UP and let the bank get on with making even greater PROFITS.

THEY SAID: Asked if there were more brilliant bankers than him, Sir Fred Goodwin replied: 'There may well be. It would seem unreasonable of me to conclude that there weren't.'

THEY MEANT: I've never actually met one, despite my virtually SINGLE-HANDEDLY destroying one of BRITAIN'S GREAT FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS with my overweening ambition.

THEY SAID: Asked about his bank's response to accusations that it wasn't taking RISK SERIOUSLY, Lord Stevenson replied:  'Carefully arranged risk management systems , developed over the years with OUR REGULATOR , did not spot scenarios coming up that have come up.'

THEY MEANT:  I BLAME THE GOVERNMENT for introducing a REGULATORY REGIME that allowed us to go on this GIANT CREDIT-FUELLED BUYING BINGE and NEVER pulled us up SHORT.

THEY SAID:  Asked about his qualifications to RUN A BANK, Sir Tom McKillop replied: 'I had a very strong numerate background...I carried out postdoctoral research at an applied mathematics institute in Paris.'

THEY MEANT:  Forty years ago, I studied advanced maths for a year and went to some bistro, which is why it was fine for a chemist who  knew  virtually NOTHING ABOUT FINANCE to be chairman of a GIANT BANKING INSTITUTION.

THEY SAID:  Asked about bankers and their moral compass, Sir Fred Goodwin replied: 'I am not aware of a basis in questioning my integrity.

THEY MEANT:  My opinion of myself as an outstanding individual is completely undented by what happened, I DON'T FEEL GUILTY, and I have NO INTENTION of HANDING BACK any of the MONEY that I WALKED OFF WITH.

THEY SAID:   Lord Stevenson: 'We are profoundly and unreservedly sorry. All of us HAVE LOST A GREAT DEAL OF MONEY...'

THE MEANT:  along with my colleagues, I've been told that I've GOT TO SAY SORRY and I'll do that, but I MOSTLY FEEL SORRY ABOUT THE DAMAGE TO MY BANK BALANCE and MY REPUTATION, because I DON'T BELEIVE THAT I REALLY DID ANYTHING WRONG.

WELL THIS SUMS IT UP WE FEEL MOST ACCURATELY-NEED WE SAY MORE.

*

FEBRUARY-2009

 

HOME